He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
