So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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