Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
