Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
