i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
