I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
