I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
