i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
