Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
