hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
