almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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