if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
