tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
