How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
