I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
