everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
