There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
