I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
