god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
