i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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