I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
