Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
