one two three fourrrrnication!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
