if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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