epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
