Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
