Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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