I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
