Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
