Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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