I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
