I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
