I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
