I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
