I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
