I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
