i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just had sex bonerless
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
