My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
