currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
