why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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