my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
