How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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