God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
