I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
As shirtless as possible
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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