I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
