New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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