i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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