Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
