i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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