porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If I die, sorry about rent.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
