the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
