please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
